i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
