; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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