separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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