I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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