there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
