if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
