oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
