Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
