Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
