Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
