i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
