May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
