They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
