I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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