I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
