i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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