Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
