My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If that was your dad, he is hot
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
