just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
