obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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