I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
