The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is it penis luge time yet?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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