The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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