forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
