So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
