Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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