you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
