It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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