Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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