There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
