Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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