she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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