that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
don't judge my taste in strippers
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
