I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We got so high we made milksteak
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
