No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
