I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
