What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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