Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
