I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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