Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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