Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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