I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
