I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
