He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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