I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
