Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
