my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
