These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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