Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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