shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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